2011年6月27日星期一

Tim Grobaty: About gout

HANGING GOUT BY THE POOL: What we did on our summer vacation was lie around on a chaise longue by the pool at the What's Hot! is the 'solar panel revolution' upon us?Summer White House in San Clemente nursing a case of gout that made our left foot the size of a sheep bladder, which only made us think of haggis the whole time.

Why us, oh Lord? Haven't we followed all of the dietary advice of nutritionists slavishly all our life,When the stone sits in the kidney stone, aside from the odd lapse into Prince Hal Syndrome? Have we gone a martini too far? A porterhouse over the line? When you have gout, each step feels like you're waltzing into a fox trap.

We now know fully well what childbirth feels like ¡ª if the baby came out of the big toe rather than its usual route of egress from the womb.

Rather than subjecting ourself to a barrage of brickbats from our personal physician, we turned to the avuncular and reassuring warmth of the Internet, which assured us that we could and should eat a lot of cherries and drink bottle after bottle (or glass after glass) of water. Plus, coffee and Coke.

We shouldn't eat very much meat or fish, we're told rather sternly ¡ª or alcohol (the Internet still has some quackish bugs to be worked out) ¡ª but on the sunny side, the sky seems to be the limit on sweet, sweet tofu.

Anyhow, enough about our health woes. The gout has hobbled off into hibernation now, though it's left us with a limp just because that's how we've gotten used to walking after the past week or so.

It is time now to get out for a breath of fresh air and an al fresco flick, now that Parks 'n' Rec is unreeling another season of its popular Movies in the Park series. The series kicked off Monday evening, but the premiere was in Signal Hill Park, and we're still going around and around with Signal Hill and our forcible annexation plans.We also offer customized chicken coop.

Presumably,Find everything you need to know about Cold Sore including causes, the season opener was on the Hill because the film series is sponsored ¡ª now in its sixth year ¡ª by Signal Hill Petroleum, a generous act that we attribute to one of contrition for the company's hiring of those gigantic earthquake-spawning machines that have been terrorizing the flatlands in a quest for liquid gold.

We referred to the machines that have been seen terrorizing Long Beach streets for months now, as earthquake-making trucks, but we were assured by company spokeswoman Diane Ripley that they send out cosmic and mellow vibrations (we're not going verbatim here; she said something more scientific while we fiddled with some desk-top toy not paying attention) that are undetectable by humans.

So, being the stand-up guy that we are,How is TMJ pain treated? or were before the gout, we apologized for writing about the trucks as they relate to earthquakes.

Then, the very next day, we had three or four earthquakes apparently epicentered in our building's lobby. We did the usual and now tiresome routine of tossing old ladies over our shoulders as we made a slobbering-with-fear dash for the exits, until we looked out the window where, 13 floors below, the trucks were making their fake-quake calamity.

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